


Light Up The Stars In The Night

by wouldbflat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Past Character Death, Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Song Lyrics, Song fic, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:22:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28075389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wouldbflat/pseuds/wouldbflat
Summary: It's too quiet in the bunker. Every corner he turns, he expects to see Dean. Dean in the kitchen, in the library, in his room.A song fic containing snippets of Sam's life after the barn.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Light Up The Stars In The Night

**Author's Note:**

> First of all: this is not a fix it. I do not like the finale, I hate the way the show ended, but this is not a fix it. I put snippets of Sam's life to song lyrics with a little insight to what his thoughts might have been.
> 
> Second: My sister showed me this song and holy. crap. It fits everything so well. Seriously, go listen and you'll see. 
> 
> Oh yeah, you might need the song title. It's "Not Goodbye" by Colton Dixon.

_One more day is never enough_

It's too quiet in the bunker. Every corner he turns, he expects to see Dean. Dean in the kitchen, in the library, in his room.

  
_One more moment will deepen the cut_

He figures he should pack up Dean’s stuff. He takes one look at the unfinished job application on the desk and knows he can’t do it. 

  
_I'm trying to see it the way that You would_

Dean would want him to keep going. Dean would tell him to move on, find a case, take down a few more monsters.

  
_It's hard to believe that I stand where You stood_

Sam can’t stand to be in the kitchen anymore. It’s too full of Dean.

He orders his meals instead.

  
_But I feel your spirit lifting me up_

He still drives the Impala, though. He wouldn’t forgive himself if she sat untouched in the garage.

_Here's to the ones who have gone up ahead_   
_You light up the stars in the night_

Some nights, when the pain is too much, he drives the car to the middle of nowhere. It’s not hard to find an empty field, he’s living in the middle of nowhere. Sam will pop open a beer and sit on the hood, gazing up at the stars. If he closes his eyes, he can imagine that Dean is still next to him, sitting in quiet awe at the sight above them.

  
_Here's to the ones we will never forget_   
_We'll meet again when it's time_

He takes care of the dog.

_It's see you again, not goodbye_

It’s probably the only thing keeping him going, the fact that another living being is depending on him.

_It's been hard, I'm doing my best, yeah_

He thinks about it sometimes. Thinks about how easy it would be to just be… gone. How unmissed he would be. How he’d see Dean again.

  
_But you're still right here, here in my chest_

But he banishes those thoughts immediately. Dean would never forgive him if he died that way.

  
_With tears in my eyes and a smile on my face_

Instead he calls upon his best memories. Not a single one of them is without Dean.

  
_I think of the moments, remembered the ways that you_   
_Walked through fire and danced in the rain_

He remembers when Dean came to get him from school. Dean had seemed so sure of himself, so sure that Sam would help him. Come to find out that his brother had been terrified he would turn him down. To say Sam was shocked is an understatement.

_So, here's to the ones who have gone up ahead_   
_You light up the stars in the night_

Dean loved kids. Adored them. He tried not to show it, but Sam knew he had been crushed when he had to let go of Lisa and Ben. So what better way to honor Dean than to adopt one?

  
_Here's to the ones we will never forget_   
_We'll meet again when it's time_

He throws himself into raising the kid. Focuses on being the father he never had. The father that Dean was.

  
_It's see you again, not goodbye_

He’s not going to force his kid into hunting. Dean would hate that. But he’s not going to leave the kid totally unprotected.

_Here's to the ones who have gone up ahead_

So he talks about cases they took. Apocalypses they stopped. People they saved.

  
_You light up the stars in the night_

He makes sure that Dean knows where his name comes from. That he knows how great Sam’s brother was. That he knows how much family means.

  
_Brothers, sisters, family and friends_

He makes sure that Dean knows about Bobby. About Ellen and Jo and Ash, Cas and Jack, Rowena and Crowley, Kevin and Charlie. Makes sure they’re not forgotten. That they’ll never be.

  
_We'll meet again when it's time_   
_I'll see you again_

His time is coming. He can feel it. He’s ready.

_Here's to the ones who have gone up ahead (Ooh-ooh-ooh)_   
_You light up the stars in the night (Here's to You)_

He feels Dean take his hand. Hears him mimic the words Sam had said all those years ago.

  
_Here's to the ones we will never forget (I won't forget you)_   
_We'll meet again when it's time (Uuuh)_

He closes his eyes, breathes his last breath, knowing that Dean would be proud of him.

  
_It's see you again, not goodbye (It's see you)_

“Hey Sammy.”

  
_It's see you again, not goodbye_

“Dean.”

  
_It's see you again, not goodbye_

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. I cried while writing this, and the song always makes me cry too. I hope you liked this, let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> Also, I seriously hate the finale, so please feel free to rant about it in the comments. (No I'm not fishing for comments, what are you talking about?)


End file.
